Phin and Ead, Ead and Phin
A small short story using the characters from my novel. It’s not actually in their universe. It’s in one of the millions of parallels, of course.
Edie loved everything about Phineas. She loved his almost-too-long red hair that made him stand out in a crowd. She loved his smile and all of his millions of freckles. She loved the way he would show up, without fail, every time it rained. His hair would be plastered to his forehead and it would be so waterlogged it turned brown. She’d hear the doorbell ring it’s two-toned electronic chime and she’d leap up from where she had been waiting for him and run to unlock the door and he’d grin his oddball grin and say, “Hey, Ead,” And she’d reply, “Hey, Phin,” And he’d hold out a hand and she’d take it and he’d drag her out of the protection of the doorway and onto the stoop and they’d run down the hill and to the park and do cartwheels and dance to music only they two would hear. She loved the way he would smile at her in class when she’d get caught staring at him and he’d write a note and fold it into a tiny paper crane before discreetly nudging it to her with the tip of his neon-green converse sneakers. She’d lean over in her chair and pretend to tie her matching ones before snatching the note and unfolding it quickly with practiced hands. She loved folding the cranes back together and stringing them onto the large mobile she was building in her room. She kept every single one. She loved thinking of clever things to reply with and then she’d fold it in a little origami cat and nudge it to him and she’d pretend he kept her notes with the same reverence she kept his. She’d pretend he didn’t just read it, smile his oddball grin, and not even bother to re-fold it. She’d pretend he didn’t shove them into his pencil case, pretend he didn’t dump them into the back of his locker or shove them into the pockets of his bright red sweatshirt. Edie loved how Phineas always ate the same thing for lunch— an order of French fries and a carton of orange juice. She loved him so much that she didn’t really have time for anyone else but him and James, Phin’s other neighbor. He used to accompany him on their rainy-day jaunts but after a while he stopped because Edie would glare at him when Phin wasn’t looking. It wasn’t like she didn’t love James; it was just that rainy day adventures were for her and Phin only. Edie loved how she and Phin could sit for hours together and she’d hum and tap rhythms on her bedposts with her drumsticks while flat on her back and her head hanging off the edge of the bed and Phin would lie next to her and play along to the beat and her little hummed lyrics and they’d just… Exist together. Sometimes James would come along and bring his guitar, and one day in sophomore year Phin called them his “band of raggedy superheroes” in his normal half-teasing fashion, but the name stuck and they were The Raggedy Superheroes for a while until Edie said it sounded like a bad romantic comedy and they were The Romantic Comedies for a while before James thought it was too cliché and then they were the Clichés and Phin thought it was too much of an ironic hipster kid band name, and then they were the Ironic Hipster Kids before Edie thought that name was just ridiculousand Phin decided he didn’t care what they were called as long as he got to play the bass and Edie didn’t care because Phin didn’t care, and James thought that The Cheated Priests sounded funny after he heard the line in some pop song his little sister forced him to play on his car’s radio when he picked her up from soccer. By then they were Juniors and the only reason Edie let them stay The Cheated Priests was because Phin loved the name, and she loved Phin, and the only reason Phin loved the name was because he loved James.
Edie loved everything about Phineas because she was in love with Phineas. She had been, ever since they moved in next-door the day she turned five and Phin showed up at the door and said, “Hello. My mum says your name is Edie, and my name is Phineas. We should be best friends.” That was the first time Edie had ever opened the door for anybody, and this bright boy who had simply shown up one day and never left instantly beguiled her.
Phineas loved everything about Edie, as well. He loved the way her mousy brown hair always hung pin-straight around her shoulders and how she always had a pensive look on her face, unless he had just cracked a joke or they were dancing in the rain. He loved checking the weather forecast every night before bed to see if he could surprise her by showing up at her door tomorrow, even though it wouldn’t really be a surprise since she knew he’d always be there at her door. He loves plastering an oddball grin on his face and holding out his hand and loves when she takes it without question, and loves dashing down the sidewalk and dancing and cartwheeling in the rain with her. He loves smiling at her when she’s bored in class, and loves folding his little notes to her into paper cranes and nudging them over with his toe. Slowly and carefully, of course, so the teacher doesn’t notice. He loves how she unfolds them and how her grin unfolds, too, as her eyes dart across the paper. She always shoots him a glance that he always pretends not to notice before folding the crane back up and shooting back a note, folded into a cat. He always reads them and replies before shoving them into his pockets or pencil case. No matter how rumpled or crinkled they are by the time he gets home, he flattens it out with his hands and tucks it into the next page of a tattered brown photo album that’s full of her notes. He knows she keeps all of his notes, too. He loves how every day she brings in something different for lunch that she cooked the night before from the enormous cookbook he bought her for Christmas one year. He loved her so much that he didn’t really have time for anyone else but her and James, his other neighbor. James used to accompany Phin and Ead on their runs down the hill but he stopped after a while after Edie wouldn’t stop glaring at him when she thought Phin wasn’t looking. He knew that Edie loved James almost as much as she loved Phin, but the rainy day adventures were for her and Phin only. Phin loved how they would slump over on her bed and stay there for hours while she’d hum and tap out a beat with her drumsticks and he’d play his bass that his dad gave him before he died, which was a present from his friend Pat before he died. Someday Phin would give it to his kid. It was kind of an unspoken family rule. Sometimes James would come over with his guitar and play along too. Edie was a poetic genius and they wrote songs together sometimes. One day Phin called them his “raggedy superheroes” and the name stuck for just a little while before they went to the Romantic Comedies, then to the Clichés, and then to the Ironic Hipster Kids, which Edie thought was just ridiculous. Phin loved the way she would always say something was just ridiculous. He didn’t really care what they called themselves as long as he got to play his bass, and Edie didn’t care because he didn’t care, and James came up with The Cheated Priests and Phin pretended to love it because he loved James. He knew Edie only put up with the name because she loved him too.
Phin loved everything about Edie, but Phineas was not in love with Edie.
Phineas was not in love with Edie because Phineas liked boys. And by boys, he meant, boy. By boy, he meant James. Phineas was in love with James. He loved everything about James, just like how he loved everything about Edie, but whenever he hugged Edie he felt like nothing more than a best friend. When he hugged James, it was different.
The wedding was the happiest day of Phineas Sebastian Baird’s life.
He never could have imagined that James had felt the same way. Never. He had always thought that one day he’d confess and his heart would be broken, but he’d move on and find someone in university, and they’d fall in love but he would never forget what he felt about James.
He was wrong. And today, he had gotten married.
Edie was the Maid of Honor. She pretended to be happy for them, but she never even talked to James anymore.
Everyone was saying goodbye. The few people who were left were sitting outside, as the party had ended almost an hour ago. Edie sat alone, picking at the hem of her just-above-the-knee length dress. Phineas had never rejected her, of course, because she had never really told him how she felt. Every day she regretted that decision, desperately thinking that if she had told him in time then her best friend, the boy she’d loved for twenty years this May the fifth, wouldn’t be gay. Maybe if she’d told him in time he’d have been straight for her. She’d had a few too many glasses of champagne and was just a tad afraid to stand.
“Hey, Ead.”
She recoiled slightly before catching herself and looking to her right. Unbeknownst to her, Phin had sat down while she was still deep in thought.
“Hey, Phin.”
They sat together for a time that she thought was eternity.
They sat together for a time that he thought was a millisecond.
“You’re jealous of James.”
It wasn’t a question, but a statement.
She stared ahead like a carriage horse, not trusting herself to look at him.
“Why yes. Yes I am.”
“Why, Ead? You… I was never interested in you. I mean…” Phin licked his lips nervously and ran a hand through his hair. “I was never interested in girls.”
She lashed towards him, pushing an accusatory pointer finger into his chest before rising to her bare feet. Her high heels were clenched by the straps in her other hand. “You. Were. Never. Interested. In. Girls.” Every word was accentuated by a jab in the chest. “You. Led. Me. On. For fifteen years I hung on your every word! Since I was five, goddamnit! I was in love with you, Phineas! Don’t call me Ead anymore! Because you mean nothing to me! You hear me? Nothing! I don’t care anymore! I waited for you for fifteen years.” She choked back a sob and stumbled backwards a bit before righting herself. “Oh god. I wasted fifteen years on you, Phineas Sebastian Baird, and I will not waste another millisecond. You were my best friend. You and James… Every time… It was just us three, us three oddballs against the world! It was us. Your… Raggedy Superheroes.” She spat out the last two words like they hurt to stay in her mouth. “I have every goddamn right in the world to be jealous of James. He got all I ever wanted.” She dropped her high heels and backed away another two steps. “He got you.” Her voice broke into a whisper. “He got you, Phineas.” Tears blurred her vision and she wiped them away with the heel of her hand. She’d never put on makeup in her entire life, and tonight was no exception. She didn’t have anything to smear. “I should have known. Like, how in high school? How you never kept my notes? You always just crumpled them up and they just sat there! I kept every single one of yours, Phineas! I still have them! They’re at my mom’s house, in the basement! I can fucking show you everything you wrote to me, every day, for all four fucking years of high school.”
Phineas said nothing the entire time before slowly unbuttoning his suit jacket and reaching into it’s inside pocket. He withdrew with a small, brown leather photo album that had faded and scratched up and withered through the years until it was positively hideous. He handed it to her and waited for her to open it. She sneered at him and opened the cover. That was when her hands started trembling and she scanned the page with a look of fear so palpable Phin could have laughed. She quickly whipped through all the pages until she came to the end, the last note she had slipped into his hand as they hugged each other goodbye at JFK. She had been leaving for Montréal, to McGill, and he had been leaving for Pittsburgh, to go to Carnegie Mellon. She watched him unfold it as she walked down the jetway. She saw him smile sadly before lifting his eyes and waving slowly.
I’ll always think of you on rainy days, and I’ll never wear any shoes other than my green ones.
It sat there, taped onto the back inside cover. There were no pockets left by the time it had come around.
Edie simply stared as Phineas stood, brushed invisible dust off his trousers, and looked into her eyes, blue looking into blue. “I was always yours, Ead. But never the way you wanted me to be.” She clutched the book to her chest for a second before holding it out to him in a silent peace offering, which he ignored. “I think it’s time for you to go.”
Neither had noticed the entire remainder of guests was watching in horrified silence.
She slipped into her shoes before turning and walking out of the walled-in garden, leaving behind the two best friends she had ever had.
They never saw her again.
